Just re-reading the blog I made yesterday (Friday) about the play session on Thursday and smiling at the memories - what great memories! *grins* And thinking of more play sessions to come...especially those when I will Top JB (and that will happen...at least I hope, unless JB is wanting to Top me more often, which is absolutely fine with me, too!!)
I have not topped anyone for a long time, and is just now starting to miss it a little bit, and is meeting someone on Monday, a potential submissive, for drinks and a chat, so I suppose we will see what happens. I certainly hope that this time, I can find someone I can Top regularly...maybe not on a weekly basis, but possible twice a month, which is fine by me, as I really do enjoy being on the bottom a lot! *giggle* (the domestic servant search did not turn out very well as I expected...*sobs* Oh well, I guess I will have to do some chores myself!! LOL)
Anyway, I will let you know how it went on Monday, have a great weekend, everyone! :-)
Showing posts with label Some thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Some thoughts. Show all posts
Friday, 8 May 2009
Thursday, 26 February 2009
Today was a bad day........
Hi everyone,
Today was not a good day.
All day today, I have been thinking a lot about last Sunday's play session, and that I wished that I had a play session this weekend, or to have a regular partner who I can use and abuse (or be used and abused) at a whim. That will be awesome.
I missed the spankings, the slapping and the hair pulling. This made me realise that I want to explore more pain play while exploring other areas. I also want to explore inflicting pain on others. *sighs* I was feeling sooo down, till I got on MSN and my new lovely friends have cheered me up and chatted with me about films, or about domestic service they may do for me, etc etc... feeling happy right now.
*sigh*..............my dream is to have a regular partner, preferbly a submissive...who I can use and abuse at a whim, no matter what time is it! :D
Just a little rant....and now it's over!
Today was not a good day.
All day today, I have been thinking a lot about last Sunday's play session, and that I wished that I had a play session this weekend, or to have a regular partner who I can use and abuse (or be used and abused) at a whim. That will be awesome.
I missed the spankings, the slapping and the hair pulling. This made me realise that I want to explore more pain play while exploring other areas. I also want to explore inflicting pain on others. *sighs* I was feeling sooo down, till I got on MSN and my new lovely friends have cheered me up and chatted with me about films, or about domestic service they may do for me, etc etc... feeling happy right now.
*sigh*..............my dream is to have a regular partner, preferbly a submissive...who I can use and abuse at a whim, no matter what time is it! :D
Just a little rant....and now it's over!
Wednesday, 2 April 2008
OK, last week, I had the most awesome time with a really lovely boy! *wink* It was really really good, and after the session, I came to realise that I liked being on the Top and being in control, controlling the boy’s every action/movement, giving out commands and teasing him! *wink* I also came to realise that I had a thing (blush) for ass cheeks and I could see anal play quite a lot in coming sessions with him and other boys I have planned to play with. *grins*
I have been doing quite a lot of thinking in the past week, and especially in the last few months. I have not been going to the Edinburgh munches and the DV8 quite a lot after Christmas, even though I have enjoyed myself at these events. I struggled with personal conflicts in me regarding the BDSM lifestyle, and at times I was uncertain whether if BDSM was really for me. I struggled with my fantasies and my wicked thoughts for playing with the boys and how I wanted to be used and abused by others. It was a hard time. I also was not sure where I did belong, was it in the BDSM community or in the other community? Both communities were important to me and so I felt a bit stuck in between both communities. My health problems (esp. my back pain problems) certainly did not help, as at times, I had to put my personal conflicts aside to focus on my health problems. *sad*
But today, I came to realise, after looking deeper into my personal conflicts with myself and with the BDSM lifestyle, that the lifestyle is FOR me and I am really ready to embrace it fully, and am really ready to continue on my journey, both as a bottom and as a Domme. Now I know how to identify myself (for old sake) to others, and I know what/who I am to myself, and I know how to describe myself and I know what limits I have, now. I am really pleased about this, but I know the journey will not be easy, but I am ready to face them and overcome any obstacles etc.
*smile*
*smile* Now, I am going to take each day as it comes, and to have fun with my boys! And looking for Top/Dom (s) to push my limits and especially my pain tolerance. *grins*
What fun it will be! *wicked chuckle*
I have been doing quite a lot of thinking in the past week, and especially in the last few months. I have not been going to the Edinburgh munches and the DV8 quite a lot after Christmas, even though I have enjoyed myself at these events. I struggled with personal conflicts in me regarding the BDSM lifestyle, and at times I was uncertain whether if BDSM was really for me. I struggled with my fantasies and my wicked thoughts for playing with the boys and how I wanted to be used and abused by others. It was a hard time. I also was not sure where I did belong, was it in the BDSM community or in the other community? Both communities were important to me and so I felt a bit stuck in between both communities. My health problems (esp. my back pain problems) certainly did not help, as at times, I had to put my personal conflicts aside to focus on my health problems. *sad*
But today, I came to realise, after looking deeper into my personal conflicts with myself and with the BDSM lifestyle, that the lifestyle is FOR me and I am really ready to embrace it fully, and am really ready to continue on my journey, both as a bottom and as a Domme. Now I know how to identify myself (for old sake) to others, and I know what/who I am to myself, and I know how to describe myself and I know what limits I have, now. I am really pleased about this, but I know the journey will not be easy, but I am ready to face them and overcome any obstacles etc.
*smile*
*smile* Now, I am going to take each day as it comes, and to have fun with my boys! And looking for Top/Dom (s) to push my limits and especially my pain tolerance. *grins*
What fun it will be! *wicked chuckle*
Tuesday, 17 July 2007
What does being a submissive means to me?
I have been thinking about what being a submissive means to me.
Before posting this in my blog, I have been thinking about it very seriously. And I feel that this is what being a submissive means to me.
I believe that I am a naturally submissive who have a desire to please and to serve her Dom in most of the aspects of everyday life. However, I do not know if I could serve in a domestic way, i.e. doing the housework, doing the ironing and doing the washing as I am useless at the housework *laughs* but IF a Dom requires for me to do the housework, I suppose we will have to come to a compromise where I might be best in areas of housework, and might get someone in to do other areas, but this is just my view, who knows, this might change within time and if I am in a D/s relationship, in which that I am not.
I feel that I would like to be lead and guided by a Dom in the bedroom and outside the bedroom, i.e. domestic serves as such as making breakfast (within limits! I am not good at cooking); organising his everyday schedules, etc. I am a very organised person (at times) and could help the Dom in the office, if he does require it and I would like to do little tasks and assignments for him. I dream of this everyday and I hope to find a Dom who is suitable, who likes to look after his little submissive, have a desire for spankings (not for punishments *grins*), to explore and push my limitations, but at the same time, encourages me to achieve my dreams and to be more confident (I am shy in real life, when meeting new faces for the first time.)
In my life, I am an ambitious person, who wants to achieve her dreams in the terms of my working life, I am a tutor, and I hope to become a lecturer at university in the future. And I hope to find a Dom who won’t stop me in achieving my dreams, however I do have dreams to travel so hopefully the Dom will travel with me.
So, my first thought. Who knows, this could change within time.
I will post some more of my thoughts soon.
Thank you for reading and please do comment on the first thought.
Caz x
Before posting this in my blog, I have been thinking about it very seriously. And I feel that this is what being a submissive means to me.
I believe that I am a naturally submissive who have a desire to please and to serve her Dom in most of the aspects of everyday life. However, I do not know if I could serve in a domestic way, i.e. doing the housework, doing the ironing and doing the washing as I am useless at the housework *laughs* but IF a Dom requires for me to do the housework, I suppose we will have to come to a compromise where I might be best in areas of housework, and might get someone in to do other areas, but this is just my view, who knows, this might change within time and if I am in a D/s relationship, in which that I am not.
I feel that I would like to be lead and guided by a Dom in the bedroom and outside the bedroom, i.e. domestic serves as such as making breakfast (within limits! I am not good at cooking); organising his everyday schedules, etc. I am a very organised person (at times) and could help the Dom in the office, if he does require it and I would like to do little tasks and assignments for him. I dream of this everyday and I hope to find a Dom who is suitable, who likes to look after his little submissive, have a desire for spankings (not for punishments *grins*), to explore and push my limitations, but at the same time, encourages me to achieve my dreams and to be more confident (I am shy in real life, when meeting new faces for the first time.)
In my life, I am an ambitious person, who wants to achieve her dreams in the terms of my working life, I am a tutor, and I hope to become a lecturer at university in the future. And I hope to find a Dom who won’t stop me in achieving my dreams, however I do have dreams to travel so hopefully the Dom will travel with me.
So, my first thought. Who knows, this could change within time.
I will post some more of my thoughts soon.
Thank you for reading and please do comment on the first thought.
Caz x
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